Posts Tagged ‘humor’

The Wisdom of Batman

From the Batman TV show  in 1966, some words to live by:

General Wisdom:

Batman: “An older head can’t be put on younger shoulders.”

Batman: “That’s one trouble with dual identities, Robin. Dual responsibilities.”


Robin: “Gosh, Batman, this camel grass juice is great.”
Batman: “Beware of strong stimulants, Robin.”

Robin: “Holy molars! Am I ever glad I take good care of my teeth!”
Batman: “True. You owe your life to dental hygiene.”


Dick: “Awww, heck! What’s the use of learning French anyway?”
Bruce: “Dick, I’m surprised at you! Language is the key to world peace. If we all spoke each other’s tongues, perhaps the scourge of war would be ended forever.”

Batman: “The green button will turn the car a la escarda o a la drecia.”
Robin: “To the left or right. Threw in a little Spanish on me, huh, Batman?”
Batman: “One should always keep abreast of foreign tongues, Robin.”

Dick: “Wow! The rings of Saturn! This is sure some fun, Bruce.”
Bruce: “Astronomy is more than mere fun, Dick.”
Dick: “It is?”
Bruce: “Yes, it helps give us a sense of proportion. Reminds us how little we are, really. People tend to forget that sometimes.”

Dick : “What’s so important about Chopin?”
Bruce : “All music is important, Dick. It’s the universal language. One of our best hopes for the eventual realization of the brotherhood of man.”

Dick: “Sorry, I’m not interested in dance lessons.”
Bruce: “Wait a minute, Dick. The junior prom’s coming up, isn’t it?”
Dick: “Yes, but…”
Bruce: “Well, we don’t want you to be a wallflower, do we? Dancing is an integral part of every young man’s education.”

Robin: “You can’t get away from Batman that easy!”
Batman: “Easily.”
Robin: “Easily.”
Batman: “Good grammar is essential, Robin.”


Robin: “I guess you can never trust a woman.”
Batman: “You’ve made a hasty generalization, Robin. It’s a bad habit to get into.”

Batman to Robin: “When you get a little older, you’ll see how easy it is to become lured by the female of the species.”


Batman: “Better put 5 cents in the meter.”
Robin: “No policeman’s going to give the Batmobile a ticket.”
Batman: “This money goes to building better roads. We all must do our part.”

Dick: “Gosh, Economics is sure a dull subject.”
Bruce: “Oh, you must be jesting, Dick. Economics dull? The glamour, the romance of commerce… Hmm. It’s the very lifeblood of our country’s society

Robin: “Gosh, there could be diplomatic repercussions if we fail this time, Batman.”
Batman: “That’s not the point, Robin. What’s important is that the world know that all visitors to these teeming shores are safe, be they peasant or king.”
Robin: “Gee, Batman, I never thought of that. You’re right.”
Batman: “It’s the very essence of our democracy.”

Batman: “Nobody wants war.”
Robin: “Gee, Batman. Belgravia’s such a small country. We’d beat them in a few hours.”
Batman: “Yes, and then we’d have to support them for years.”
Who knew Batman was so full of wisdom?


A shameful confession and a new hope.

I really hate to admit this, but there’s something about getting it all out there in public that makes things better so here goes; my baby likes Garrison Keillor.

I don’t know how it happened. I mean, her taste in music is fabulous. When it comes to dance party (#danceparty) she loves to rock out to to the likes of Franti and Heiruspecs and enjoys genres from rock to raggae.

Yet, time and time again when she’s heard Mr.Keillor (through no fault of my own) she settles down and seems pleased as punch. Heck, half the time she’s found him so relaxing she’s fallen asleep.

Yes, Dear Internets, my baby seems to like Mr.Wobegon and I can’t deny it.

Yet, if only she could read she may change her mind. In his latest diatribe, Garrison Keillor: Don’t yearn for the bright lights, Garrison has the guts and fortitude to take on television. What a bold strike at the heart of criminals and slack jaws!

My favorite sentence comes soon,fast, and hard as the kettle meets the pot in what I can only call dramatic irony.

When you look at the audience numbers for TV and then add up the incarcerated felons, Alzheimer’s patients and confirmed barflies in America, it dawns on you who is watching TV these days — people unable to lead normal productive lives — and yet they give out awards for this stuff and the hosts of shows are driven to and fro in Lincoln Town Cars and they suffer from toxic self-esteem.

Wow.   A 70 word sentence? Toxic self-esteem indeed.

Sadly, comments have been turned off. *edit comments are again working

I guess,according to Garrison, there is still hope if your into “tango, or playing drop-thumb banjo, or digging up ancient cities, or writing sonnets, you are beautiful”. You can bet he goes on to quote some of his sonnets.  

Well you, Mr. Garrison Keillor, are a beautiful man. Or at the very least, you seem to think so and you do have a knack for putting my baby to sleep.

Thanks for the heads up on that t.v. stuff. Now I can be proactive and prevent the likes of Fred Rogers, Sesame Street, and Builder Bob from turning her into the “bedridden, the delusional and the criminal”.

She already seems to like you I find that troubling enough.



Write in Warriors, come out to play

Still undecided? If you haven’t voted yet and need a little help educating yourself there are a myriad of resources on the web like Election Cramming: Judges. Or if you’re a Liberal you can go with Election Cramming: Cheat Sheet for Young Liberals and if you’re Conservative you can use the same site to get you worked up into a cancel-out-a-liberal-vote voting frenzy.

Then there are the people that don’t really want to vote for anyone on the ballot, The Write In Warriors as I like to call them.

If you’re a Write In Warrior there are only two choices worth knowing:

@perfectporridge asks Did you write me in? and @JustaCoolCat says “I’m JustaCoolCat and I Approve this Message” .

Write in Warriors . . . come out to play

Write in Warriors . . . come out to play



  • The Daily Planet has the scoop on what Minneapolitans need to know about education issues. School board candidates, a referendum on changing how school board members are elected (Councilmember Cam Gordon says vote yes), and a referendum on a property tax increase for school funding. I promise, you can stop all the cramming on candidates and issues in four days. Hang in there.
  • CM Gordon also had the deets on reorganization in the city government that will better engage residents on the neighborhood level. “Last month, the Council voted to establish a new Department of Neighborhood and Community Relations and a new Neighborhood and Community Engagement Commission. These lay the foundation for what will likely be a similar, but significantly different, neighborhood revitalization program and a potentially much more effective City community engagement system in the future.” Sounds like the exact future of the Neighborhood Revitalization Program is still unclear.
  • Amy Rea recently visited the James J. Hill House for a social studies assignment. I don’t know what her kid’s homework looked like, but Amy’s looks pretty good.
  • Buy the Change (building community through commerce) wants you to truly put your money where your mouth is. They have the following goals: “To help people connect with their neighbors and people who share their values while supporting the organizations and businesses they care about.” AND “To raise awareness of the power of individual purchasing decisions and to provide tools that harness this power as a force for social change.” This video explains how it works. This better video explains how it works. They have larger goals, geographically speaking, but right now they’re heavily focused on Twin Cities neighborhoods. [Buy the Change blog] (via @MNWINwebmaster)
  • Ban the Ban Minnesota is “a nonpartisan, non-profit organization dedicated to helping the people and independent small businesses in the state by providing advocacy, education and data, and information dissemination regarding smoking bans so that the real heart of the matter can be addressed; namely the issues of rights, essential liberty, and our ability to live our lives and run our businesses as we so choose. We demand that we be treated like the responsible adults that we are and be free of busybodies who think that we need to be forcibly protected from ourselves.” Those crazy Libertarians! [facebook group]
  • This MnIndy item is ancient news now, but I still think it’s hilarious. “This [I Will Vote] sticker was observed Oct. 21 stuck to the parking lot surface at the K-Mart in Minneapolis — clear evidence that ACORN has been illegally registering inner-city blacktop to vote.” Why’s it gotta be blacktop?
  • Leif reports that the downtown Target is now has groceries and a deli, meaning they have beaten the Lunds and Whole Foods projects to the punch (somewhat) and have probably made a whole lot of downtown residents pretty happy.
  • Are you planning to take Election Day off? You work that out with your employer (they’re required by law to at least let you out to go vote). If you feel a need to declare more formally your intention to sit on the couch with CNN all day, RSVP on facebook to TAKE ELECTION DAY OFF, hosted by The Campaign for Change (Ellison, Obama, and Franken). And should you get hungry or thirsty at some point in the day, The Herkimer will be having 2 for 1s all day and all night and will also have election-type stuff up on the big screens.
  • Minneapolis has a fire fighter museum? (via @g_rote)
  • Growing Communities of Science is a blog chronicling one local teacher’s use of computers in his science classroom. (via Conner McCall)

Minnesota Gets A New Giant Pumpkin Record (and all we get is this lousy pseudo religion)

It’s a giant pumpkin. And when I say giant I mean so-giant-that-it’s-bordering-on-getting-a-new-religion kind of giant, like John Lennon. Or Lenin. Or Linen. Seriously, who hasn’t prayed for 1200 thread count sheets at some point or another? I digress.

As the Strib reports in In search of the Giant Pumpkin, a state record emerges

A science teacher from New London shattered the Minnesota record for giant pumpkins on Saturday. It registered a whopping 1,427.5 pounds at the 4th annual Giant Pumpkin Weigh-Off in downtown Stillwater. 

I, for one, welcome our new Great Pumpkin overlords. Matter of fact, I take partial responsibility. I like to believe the pumpkins I grow contribute energy to the spiritual harmonics of these peaceful squash. Metaphysical,I tell you.

Well, metaphysical, and a whole lot of fertilizer.

The stuff I use is organic.

Now I can’t decide whether I should post pictures of my personal pumpkin patch, make a video, or build an alter.

I mean, Did you see the size of that thing?

Big congratulations to Chad Reivier of Spicer, MN. I hope you like pie.

Freaks,Football, and Hand Grenades.

Did you watch the Vikings? Here’s my quick assessment of the game.

1) So long #1 run defense. 2) Packer’s QB Aaron Rodgers is the real deal. 3) Brad Childress really doesn’t get coaching football in Minnesota.

Though the score of Minnesota 19 and Green Bay 24 seemed like an even match; the game really didn’t seem as close as the final score reflected. The Packers running game gashed the Vikings D Line and their pass attack blew up Vikings D Backfield like a hand grenade tossed by a stalwart football cliche.

Meanwhile, Minnesota ran with it’s tried and true game day strategy of predictibility and lackadaisical effort. There were a few exceptions to the rule of ineptitude. As usual Adrian Peterson looked awesome and newcomer Jared Allen managed to cause distruption for the Pack’s offense(no sacks, no tackles – some penalties) , but it wasn’t enough to thwart the Pack’s plan.

Childress really needs to wisen up. Here’s the scoop coach. We play 15 games a year and two that really matter more than the others, the rivalry with the Packers. So far you have managed to coach us to 5 losses in a row in this contest. If you can’t win a game against the Green you could atleast find us a new rival.

The game’s saving grace was the camera shots of the crowd. I’m not sure what’s with football fans wearing really terrible wigs, but this is a trend I’d like to see spread. Atleast if I could wear a mullet wig to work tomorrow people might talk about something other than this evening’s loss.

If you,dear reader, were to hop on this new wig wearing fashion wagon, what would be your style? I see you in an old timey judge wig. 

Did you watch the game? What did you think?

Welcome rich, white oligarchs.


Welcome rich, white oligarchs. Uploaded on August 21, 2008by The Zeppelin

It turns out the Daily Show has purchased some advertising in the T.C. in preparation for the RNC. 

Apparently, the sign off of I-494 reads “Welcome rich, white oligarchs.” 

It’s about time someone shows a little kindness to the wealthy running the world.

I wish I had a picture.

[Via NickBusse and PioPress RNC Blog]

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