Because there’s no important work in Washington D.C.

In myth and legend there’s a magical place East of Minnesota where lawyers go to bask in the glow of happy unicorns. This amazing fabled land is called D.C. and it’s a land of great wealth and everyday is sunny, also everyone gets a balloon when they leave their apartment in the morning and magical faeries called lobbyists sprinkle pixie dust on important government representatives. Oh, and even the most moral get their fill of hookers.

It’s a magical realm,but even with all this glory and happiness it can be a sad land. You see, there just aren’t enough real issues to be legislated. So the important government representatives have to occasionally shake off their hookers, wipe the pixie dust from their clothes, and have a congressional hearing.

The pioneerpress reports House subcommittee chairman: We’re here to help NFL, Vikings’ Kevin and Pat Williams resolve differences

‘It is in all of our best interests for these parties to reach an agreement on this enormously important matter.”

Isn’t that nice? Those important lawmakers want to help those big fat rich men get along with their big fat rich bosses.

Thank God, there isn’t a war going on, or an economy that is in shambles, or a kitten caught in a tree.

It’d be terrible if our esteemed Representatives were to get distracted from the important business of the NFL.

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