Boys (and girls) lose their toys

I have to admit, in my earlier years, I would enjoy snooping around the neighborhood like I was Rambo, or RoboCop, or (insert 80’s action movie hero here) with my plastic M-16 that made clicky noises when you pulled the trigger (ok, it was just a couple weeks ago). But no more. Sorry roommate, we’ll have to keep our battles within the walls of our house. Minneapolis today banned carrying non-lethal guns (Strib). St. Paul has a similar ordinance. How does a city have more stringent rules on fake weapons than it does on real weapons. I think I’m going to start a new lobbying organization: the National Fake Rifle Association.

The NFRA will collect dues from millions of action movie-inspired pre-teen boys and girls. They have a right to hold their fake weapons outdoors (Agent Smith could appear out of nowhere…) just as much as the real Berretta-hiding public does. NFRA lobbyists will cover the globe from small town mayor’s offices to the White House. Hell, NFRA lobbyists will even slide envelopes of cash across principals’ desks at all the local elementary schools. NFRA stickers will appear on the windows of powerwheels and, well, i dunno, school buses? In Velcro batman wallets, NFRA membership cards will get brown and tattered–a sign of a dedicated cap gun carrier. The influence the NFRA wields on the government will far outweigh the small cries of those whose hearts jump for a second and then realize that potential assailant is just carrying a toy. With the power of the NFRA behind me, you can pull my miniature plastic Uzi with an orange nozzle and cheap black shoulder band from my cold, dead hands!

This post was (mostly all) parody. The ordinance came about in part due to a rise in the number of fake guns used in crimes and instances in which Police have a split second to decide if a gun’s fake or not. But if someone’s committing a crime or has the police on their ass in the first place, I’m sure they aren’t going to leave their fake gun at home because of this new, ground-breaking ordinance.

3 Comments so far

  1. Erica M (unregistered) on October 5th, 2007 @ 3:44 pm

    I fail to see what this ordinance does, exactly. If people are causing trouble/creating fear/perpetrating other crimes with fake guns, aren’t they already liable for conviction under those other crimes?

  2. DaveP (unregistered) on October 6th, 2007 @ 6:15 am

    You’re trying to apply logic to lawmaking, Erica?

  3. Erica M (unregistered) on October 6th, 2007 @ 8:51 pm

    Oops, my bad.

    Although… I guess you could liken it to a hate crime in that you could add to the penalty for the crime, since you used the fake weapon to intimidate when maybe you otherwise wouldn’t have had a weapon.

    Except that having a real weapon would be worse.

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