The Lizard People: DENIED
At 9:38am today, the State Canvassing Board upheld Coleman’s challenge of the infamous “Lizard People” ballot, classifying it as an overvote and denying Franken the much-needed support of the Lizard People.
Now, this is a bad decision, and I’ll tell you why. The board didn’t even bother to look at the rest of the ballot, just looking at it on the projector, and thus did not see that this voter filled in “Lizard People” for every other race and also filled in the write-in bubble in those races. In the Senate Race, the voter wrote in Lizard People but did not fill in the bubble, instead filling in the bubble for Franken. This is obviously a statement, saying “Lizard People are a legitimate choice in all of the races, and although they win every other race, in a contest between Lizard People and Al Franken, Franken wins.” Mark Elias failed to make this argument, instead contending that Lizard People is obviously not a person, and thus it shouldn’t count. Bullshit. Note to Franken: Get a new lawyer.
Quotes from the discussion
“This is the weirdest ballot.” -Kathleen Gearin
“No, this is not the weirdest ballot.” -Eric Magnuson
“What if this was a vote for Moon Unit Zappa? You don’t know there ISN’T a Lizard People. You and I don’t. You don’t.” -Magnuson
“What did we do when Jesse Ventura was written in?” -Gearin
“He is a real person.” -Magnuson
“We know that Lizard can be a nickname. This could be a person. Lots of people have nicknames… Beaver… Chopper… you know.” -Coleman Lawyer
“If someone wants to make a statement with their vote, they may not get their vote counted.” -Gearin
Other Funny/Good Board Decisions
– A vote for the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a different race, which was challenged as an “identifying mark,” was allocated to Franken. This election has been touched by His Noodly Appendage. Obviously.
– Someone filled in the bubble for Franken, but then added “stein” after Al Franken’s name, thus making him “AL FRANKENSTEIN.” Coleman argued that the voter changed the name of the candidate, and thus was voting for another candidate. The State Canvassing Board did not buy this logic, and reallocated the vote to Franken.
