Dave Barry on Saint Paul

Dave Barry on St. Paul:

Anyway, the Republican convention is over, and the friendly, picturesque city of St. Paul now will take down the roughly 63,000 miles of really high security fence that protected the delegates and news media from ever coming into direct contact with the friendly, picturesque city of St. Paul.

I suppose the fence was necessary, but I feel bad for St. Paul. I mean, this is a city with a fascinating history. The first inhabitants were Native Americans, who came here more than 1,500 years ago, then died and formed burial mounds. After that, pretty much nothing happened until this week, when the Republican convention showed up.

This was supposed to be St. Paul’s big moment to shine, but the fence kept most of the visitors inside the convention center. When they left, they were bused out of St. Paul, most of them back to restaurants and hotels in Minneapolis, a fact that really frosted St. Paul’s civic shorts. Minneapolis is St. Paul’s bitter arch-rival city, because Minneapolis thinks it is just so sophisticated and “hip” with its slick Minneapolis ways.

OK, I’m exaggerating. Nobody here is bitter or angry. As far as I can tell, nobody in Minnesota ever gets riled up about anything. Minnesotans really are, as the expression goes, “Minnesota nice.” They are beyond nice. They make Mister Rogers look like Hitler. If you drove your car at 85 mph into a Minnesota family’s house, their reaction, once they pulled you out of the wreckage and gave you some hot cocoa, would be to apologize for building their house in a location that you would eventually want to drive through.

Which may be why no Minnesotan has ever been elected president.

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1 Comment so far

  1. Erica M (ericam) on September 5th, 2008 @ 12:45 pm

    a fact that really frosted St. Paul’s civic shorts

    LOL.



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