A Minneapolis Public Service Announcement

WARNING:

To Minneapolis-St. Paul’s citizens gainfully employed in an indoor-office-type setting: do not, under any circumstances, venture outside this afternoon.

For your own sanity and job security, avoid longingly gazing out windows, going out of doors for lunch, exercise, or offsite meetings.

Early reports indicate a terrible virus running amok (at least in downtown Minneapolis) this afternoon.
Authorities are calling it Strain O-70, short for Backtobacksunandrecordhighitis.

The disease seems to strike only those who leave their offices. Victims were last seen stripping out of winter layers, reflecting sunlight off flourescent-white arms and legs. Reports from credible sources seem to indicate that victims of Strain O-70 have the irrepressible urge to leave work, jump in their cars, and head immediately to a lake or park for merriment and hooky-playing. Victims have been spotted with ice-cold beers in hand on back porches and sidewalk cafes all over the city.

Authorities advise all office workers to remain indoors for the remainder of the scheduled workday. Further study indicates a rainy cool snap mid-week will likely kill this fast-moving and vehement virus.

4 Comments so far

  1. jana (unregistered) on March 26th, 2007 @ 12:44 pm

    yes! i have already made early evening plans to bike-to-beer. i love this part!


  2. Erica (unregistered) on March 26th, 2007 @ 1:47 pm

    Bwahaha! This is hilarious and totally true.

    I went out for lunch, and decided to eat it outside. Now we’re trying to come up with reasons to go up on the roof. We’re engineers. There’s got to be something that needs inspecting or fixing or something.

    I can confirm that there is a wireless signal on the roof of my building. It’s weak, but it’s there. The view over the air handling units is spectacular.


  3. Andy (unregistered) on March 26th, 2007 @ 2:41 pm

    We just smashed the old record of 74…it’s 81 right now. If this was 1996, we’d be looking forward to a temp of minus 10 tonight. that’s like a 91 degree spread for springtime Minnesota. Jeez.


  4. Greg (unregistered) on March 26th, 2007 @ 10:18 pm

    Funny how you didn’t hear ANYONE complaining about global warming today. I let my car engine idle for an extra five minutes when I got home today…hoping for a warm weekend, too!



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