Okay, kiddies, follow along with me.

In Downtown Minneapolis, on Hennepin Ave, there are several lanes.

Between 11th St and the river, if you’re in a car, you can drive in the lanes going towards the river. If you’re in a bus, you can drive in the lane going away from the river. And between the bus lane and the driving lanes, between 11th St and 2nd St, there is another lane. This lane is for BICYCLES! It is not a lane for cars driving alongside the buses. It is not a left turn lane for cars in the driving lanes. It is a two-way bicycle lane. Got it? Good.

The other night, I was biking towards the river. It was a weekend evening, and I was between 7th and 6th, and a big truck was coming towards me at speed in the bike lane, heading away from the river. (I’m using towards and away from the river because Mpls is built on a tilt) It started honking it’s horn at me to get out of the way, because obviously I was the one in the wrong. I wonder which suburb they had come downtown from. Following behind them was a smaller car filled with women with big hair. Meanwhile, the cops were too busy standing around outside of Block E to do anything about this.

Woops!! Been really busy and haven’t told you all about the wonderful shows I have seen…

Jaws: The Musical, Director’s Cut - A very funny adaptaion on the movie Jaws using actors as swimmers and a Ninja indtead of a shark. A very cleverly writen parody and a fun show to see. I laughed my ass off and I had already seen it last year.

Dance in the Dark - Too bad this isn’t showing anymore. IT ROCKED MY SOCKS OFF!! Very fun and energetic dancing. Made me wanna move my thang!! I knew a couple of people in the show, which surprised me. If they make it into best of Fringe, you have to see this performance.

The Lesson - A VERY off beat dark comedy performed excellently by the cast. Very funny moments with a large amount of tension leading up to the inevidable conclution. Well worth the time spent. Warning, it is a heady show. Don’t go in sleepy.

I’m Sorry & I’m Sorry - Two clowns from Montana put on the best show I have seen at the fringe this year. This blew every other cool show out of the water. Very funny dialogue and physical comedy make this show a fun, thoughtful, high energy show that I desparatly want to see again. Supposedly, it is scaled down from the 86 minutes it usually is. I wonder if they will be able to do the full length version if they make it into the Best Of…Fringe?

Ouch. Minneapolis gas prices approach $2.50 per gallon. It’s times like these to turn to Twin Cities Gas Prices.com. Also a good time to review the local bike cultures’ Critical Mass schedule and get out on our bikes. Critical Mass rides start the LAST friday of every month at Loring Park at 5:00pm. This could help explain why occasionally you will come across a pack of seemingly hundreds of bikers moving slowly in the middle of traffic.

And as our Twins continue to frustrate, we can alleviate some stress by watching our Vikings this friday night!

I interrupt the stream of Fringe Festival updates to bring you my weekly driving rant: Brakelights.

Or rather, the lack thereof.

I feel I’m doomed to follow every rusty minivan, every rice boi’s work-in-progress and every bumperless hoopty-mobile with broken tail lights in this city. Whether it be a car with merely one brake light or both that are burned out or broken, inevitably that car is in front of me.

What’s better is when the wiring is messed up, so the brake lights flash, or stay on when the car’s moving, and go off when they stop. And why do these brakelight-less cars seem to flock to stop-and-go rush hour traffic? Why?

I just got back from Nate’s show, Quarter Life Crisis, at Brave New Workshop. It was funny! Really, there are some great, laugh-out-loud lines. There are a few more showings before Fringe ends next weekend, so you can still go see him.

And Nate’s a cutie pie! *pinch his cheeks* I wanted to stay and introduce myself, but I had another commitment I had to get to. (Of course I still have a few moments to stop and blog it.)

I have my button and a 5-show punch card. I think I’m gonna see Dance in the Dark at the Illusion Theater later tonight. Then I have all week to figure out what to see next weekend.

Parking near BNW wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be on account of the art fair, but getting back west past Lake/Hennepin kind of sucked. I tried going south towards Lake Calhoun, when I should have just gone west and gone all the way around Lake of the Isles. It’s probably a moot point by now, but just go way out of your way and avoid the frustration, rather than sit in traffic in Uptown.

And while we’re talking about Fringe, this quote from Fringe blogger Blak_Bloggah is my favorite of the day:

Among the 35 audience members in attendance at the time of my first counting, and the 50 or so that finally arrived, I counted as P.O.C. (People of Color) myself, a young mocha sistah, and an older sistah sporting a short silvery natural fro - both alone. Oh, and there was one golden-toned hispanic/latino lookin’ sistah too, sans man but with a couple of white girlfriends. It occured to me then that, “If there’s a call and response element in this show or we’re asked to clap on the two, this audience is doomed!”

Emphasis mine. Clapping on the two. Heh. Or maybe I’m the only one that thinks that’s funny.

I was busy with my own show and a birthday party so I only got to see one show yesterday, but it was a doozy!!

Kung Fu Hamlet is a fantastic show. They actually take the story of Hamlet and tell it like it is a ’70s kung fu movie. They even go as far as to have no one on stage speeking. All their voices are dubbed from the side of the stage by three talented actors. Neat martial arts, very funny dialogue, and almost spot on mimicry of ’70s kung fu movies. Well owrth the money. My favorite show so far…

I’m in the market for a mechanic. I’ve been going to Autopia. The experience has been nothing but pleasant. Except when it comes time to pay. I don’t know much about this kind of stuff, but I get the impression they’re a little spendy. While they’re pretty conveniently located from where I am, I’d be willing to drive a bit for a bargain.

A friend of mine recommends East Hennepin Auto Service, and I’ve also I heard about Sage’s in Columbia Heights. So I’ll definitely check those two places out.

Anybody have a recommendation?

I wish the Grand Hotel would take whatever makes it smell so sweet, even from the sidewalk (like I’d ever have an occasion to go in; there’s a doorman, for crying out loud!), and apply it to the rest of that section of downtown, because in the morning, it smells like boiling cabbage. I swear, I think I’m in Charlie Bucket’s kitchen when I get a whiff of that.

And for something more substantial: If any of you are knitters, you should join Twin Cities Stitch ‘n’ Bitch. The list is 531 members strong and a great resource for all your knitting and fiber arts needs. Another hint: if you work in downtown, there’s a lunctime stitch ‘n’ bitch on Tuesdays at noon, at the Au Bon Pain (am I the only one who reads that as, “Oh, good bread!” and imagines squeezing the plump cheek of a fresh loaf while saying so?) at 6th Street & 2nd Avenue. This area, I assure you, smells nice.

I’m gonna have to say I hate the Uptown Art Fair with a passion. I live in Uptown and have to drive a car sometimes. When the Art Fair descends down upon us, I can’t get anywhere very quickly. I am in the Fringe and my venue is on 26th and Hennipen. Yeah…just try and park there. Besides, the art fair is just a bunch of really expensive (albeit very cool sometimes) art that I can never afford. Oh, and cheese curds. Nothing says sophistication and style like a frickin’ cheese curd stand. Thank god it’s only three days…

I got a chance to see three shows yesterday. They were all pretty good. The first of which was Adventures in Mating. This was by far the best out of the three of them. It is about a date in a restaurant and whenever one of the cast members has to take a break, the waiter comes out and polls the audience on what should happen next. It is basically an acted out choose your own adventure book. Pretty darn cool. It was frickin’ hysterical!!

Next I saw GaME. It is a show about war done by “modern clowns”. It was pretty cool. VERY different. It was neat just to see something that was not on the same vein as everything else. The Fringe is a perfect place to try something new like this. Its comedy was a little lacking, but I don’t think its point was to be very funny. It is a huge social commentary about war…with a few laughs thrown in.

The last show of the evening was The Scrimshaw Show. This is a very popular show that actually happens quite often outside of the Fringe Festival. It is a sketch comedy show with a dash of improv thrown in. This time, very little improv happens. The finally is always them Scrimshaw Brothers drinking and answering questions from the audience. I have to say this was the first time I have actually seen this local duo. I was pretty impressed. There stuff is very raw, though. I sometimes feel they were doing it just for shock value, but most of the time it was still pretty hilarious.

Well, that’s it for today. Hope to see a couple of shows today. I’ll write about them tomorrow…